Tackling the Transition Back to School

As summer winds down, families everywhere are starting to think about backpacks, school supplies, earlier bedtimes, new teachers, and the return of the morning rush. For some children, going back to school is exciting. For others, it brings worry, frustration, sadness, or uncertainty. And for many kids and their parents, it’s a combination of all these feelings.

As a Parent Navigation Coach, I encourage families to think about the transition back to school as more than just getting children back onto a schedule. Children are being asked to make a significant transition. Their routines, expectations, social environments, and daily demands are all about to change.

The goal doesn’t need to be a perfectly smooth transition. Instead, we can help children feel prepared, supported, and confident that, when something is hard, the adults in their lives will help them figure it out.

Start With Practice, Not Perfection

If possible, begin changing routines before the first day of school rather than changing everything the night before. Start this shift a couple of weeks before the first day of school. Gradually move bedtime and wake-up time closer to the school-year schedule. Begin eating breakfast around the time your child will eat on school mornings.

For younger children, consider practicing a school morning. Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, put on shoes, grab the backpack, and head out the door. You can do this a few mornings in a row to help create a smoother morning routine. If the first practice morning is chaotic, that’s okay! In fact, that’s useful information. Maybe shoes need a permanent home near the door. Maybe your child needs clothes picked out the night before. Maybe breakfast needs to be simpler.

The goal is to figure out what will make mornings easier for your family.

Remember That Behavior Is Communication

Children don’t always tell us, “I’m feeling anxious about returning to school.” Instead, parents may notice more irritability, arguments, trouble sleeping, clinginess, sibling conflict, stomachaches, tears, refusal to follow simple directions, or declarations such as, “I hate school!” or “I’m not going!”

Middle schoolers may become quiet, retreat to their rooms, or respond to questions with “I don’t know,” “I don’t care,” or “It’s stupid.”

Before immediately labeling these behaviors as disrespectful or defiant, get curious. Ask yourself: What might my child be having a hard time with right now?

Getting curious about behavior doesn’t mean eliminating boundaries or expectations. Children still need limits. But understanding what behavior is communicating can help parents respond more effectively.

Make Room for Mixed Feelings

We often ask children, “Are you excited for school?”

But what if they aren’t?

Children should know that they don’t have to be excited. They can be nervous, disappointed that summer is ending, worried about friendships, excited about a new teacher, and curious about their classes, all at the same time.

Try saying: “School is starting soon. You might be excited, nervous, upset, worried, or a little bit of everything. If there’s anything you’re worried about, you can always talk to me.”

Then give your child some space. We want to open the door for conversations about school without making children feel as though they have to walk through that door immediately.

Give Kids Control Where You Can

Children often have little control over their school environment, such as when school starts, who their teacher will be, or which classmates will be in their class. In middle school, students may not have any say over their schedules, teachers, or lunch periods.

To help them regain a sense of control, look for smaller opportunities to allow them to make choices. For instance, let your child choose between two breakfast options, decide what to wear on the first day of school, select snacks, choose where their backpack will be stored, or assist in creating their after-school routine.

Offering small choices can be especially helpful during times when many other aspects of a child’s life are changing.

Elementary and Middle School Students May Need Different Support

For elementary-age children, back-to-school preparation may include practicing separation, using a visual morning routine, opening lunch containers independently, remembering where belongings go, navigating friendships, and learning how to ask an adult for help.

Middle school brings a different set of challenges. Suddenly, students may have multiple teachers, multiple classrooms, lockers, increased homework, greater organizational expectations, and complicated social dynamics. They may also be navigating puberty, friendships, phones, social media, and a growing desire for independence.

And just because your child moved up a grade doesn’t mean their executive-functioning skills suddenly moved up with them. A sixth grader who needed reminders in fifth grade may still need them.

Rather than abruptly removing support, gradually transfer responsibility. Start with something like: “Let’s pack your backpack together.”

Then move to: “You pack it, and I’ll check it.”

Eventually, you can say: “Your backpack is your responsibility. Let me know if you need help.”

Independence is something we teach, not something children automatically acquire because they have a birthday or move to the next grade.

Expect the After-School Crash

One of the most important things for parents to remember during the first few weeks of school is that children may come home feeling exhausted. They have spent hours listening, learning, transitioning, following directions, navigating social interactions, managing their emotions, and meeting expectations.

Some children manage to hold everything together at school, but then they fall apart when they get home. This doesn’t necessarily mean that something terrible happened at school; it may simply be that home is where they feel safe enough to release everything they’ve been holding in.

Before diving into homework, chores, or questions, consider what your child might need first: a snack, some movement, quiet time, connection, or just a little time to do absolutely nothing. Whenever possible, try to avoid overscheduling during these initial weeks of school. Allow everyone time to adjust.

Reconnect Before Asking Twenty Questions

Parents understandably want to know everything about the school day. Parents often greet their children with a barrage of questions as soon as they get home, asking things like this:

• “How was school?”
• “What did you do?”
• “Who did you sit with?”
• “Did you make friends?”
• “What did your teacher say?”
• “Do you have homework?”

For an exhausted child, this can feel overwhelming and can lead to emotional outbursts. Try reconnecting first and asking questions later. Instead of “How was school?” try one of these questions:

• “What was easier than you expected today?”
• “What was the hardest part?”
• “Did anything funny happen?”
• “Who did you spend time with?”
• “Is there anything I can help make easier tomorrow?”

And remember that “I don’t know” can sometimes be an acceptable answer.

Keep Family Routines Simple

Parents don’t need an elaborate color-coded system with fifteen rules to have a successful school year. A few predictable anchors can go a long way.

A morning routine might be:

• Get dressed.
• Eat breakfast.
• Brush teeth and hair.
• Pack your backpack.
• Put on shoes.
• Leave for school.

After school might look like:

• Reconnect with family.
• Eat a snack.
• Decompress.
• Do chores or homework.
• Enjoy free time.

And evening might be:

• Prepare for tomorrow.
• Brush teeth and wash face.
• Do a calming activity.
• Go to bed.

Predictability helps children know what comes next and can reduce the number of instructions and reminders parents have to give.

Parents Are Making a Transition, Too

Back-to-school anxiety doesn’t only belong to children. Parents may be wondering: Will my child make friends? Will the teacher understand them? Will they keep up academically? Will they be bullied? Will they remember their homework? Will they be okay without me? Those feelings are understandable.

Parents don’t have to pretend they aren’t worried. But children shouldn’t feel responsible for managing their parents’ worries. Your child doesn’t need you to be completely calm about the new school year. They need you to communicate that whatever comes up, you will figure it out together.

Know When to Reach Out

Some bumps during the first few weeks should be expected. A difficult morning, tears at drop-off, an exhausted middle schooler, or a child who needs extra reassurance doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

However, if anxiety, behavior, or emotional distress is consistently interfering with school attendance, sleep, eating, friendships, learning, or family life, it may be time to reach out for additional support. You can contact the school counselor, your child’s pediatrician, or the Parent Navigation Coach at Jewish Family Service. You don’t have to wait until your family is in crisis to ask for help.

Most importantly, remember that back-to-school success doesn’t mean perfect mornings, zero tears, completed homework every night, or a child who loves going to school every day. Success can look like a child gradually learning: “I know what to expect. I know who I can ask for help. And even when school feels hard, the adults in my life are on my team.” That sense of safety and connection may be one of the most valuable things we can send our children back to school with.

As Jewish Family Service’s Parent Navigation Coach, Becky Goldman provides short-term, supportive guidance to parents and caregivers who are navigating concerns related to their child, adolescent, or young adult’s emotional, behavioral, developmental, or school-related needs. She offers a compassionate space for parents to share what’s going on, help identify needs, and connect families with trusted tools, strategies, and community-based resources. Learn more from our Education & Learning page or the Parent Navigation Coach flyer.